5 Ways to Increase Intimacy Post-Baby
The transition from a couple to a family with a baby can be difficult, especially when it comes to intimacy with your spouse. Be patient and kind to yourself as this is new territory for everyone that is concerned and it will take some time to adjust to your new life and your new relationship with your spouse. With that being said there are tangible things that you can do to help ease into a positive experience with building intimacy with your spouse again.
Below are 5 tips that can be taken in order to regain your intimate relationship with your spouse.
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Life can become about shifts and schedules and feedings and the focus can be all about the baby. Keeping communication open and talking about how each other are feeling will get you through those difficult moments in those early months. Sharing stories about the day, sending cute text messages, leaving a note for the morning is still possible with a small child and can keep each other connected even if life seems like it is one big routine at the moment.
Especially when we had our twins we felt like we were in this bubble together working through those early hard days of managing our three children. It was so much work, but also a very special time for our family and we both found ways to stay communicating with each other (even through the exhaustion). This helped when I had a hard day being home with the kids and needed a break or when my husband was maxed out at work and needed a few moments.
CREATE A BEDTIME FOR YOUR BABY
We didn’t institute a bedtime with our kids early on for this reason, but it has been a huge bonus in being able to increase intimacy in our marriage. As soon as our kids were on a bedtime routine we both noticed a huge increase in our intimacy with each other. Whether we are watching a show together, talking about our days or important life decisions, having a date night at home, eating a late dinner together, hang out on the couch together, and of course have a chance to have sex.
Setting a bedtime for our babies, also gave us a chance to have alone time to rejuvenate and have some self-care so that we could be better spouses for each other. Having this time and space for us as a couple on a regular basis has given us a chance to feel that closeness and helps me go “mom mode” to “wife mode” easier.
FILL THEIR LOVE BUCKET
So, this one is based on a book The 5 Love Languages that I highly recommend and will be doing a future post on it, but ultimately there are certain ways that individuals feel loved. Knowing how your spouse feels loved is a huge advantage as you can be laser focused on what you do for your spouse with the little time you way have to focus on them, yet make them feel very loved by these small gestures.
For instance, if you feel loved by words of affirmations then your spouse focusing on buying you special gifts, or doing the laundry or holding your hand isn’t going to fill your bucket as fully and quickly as if your spouse says what an amazing mom you are and how much they appreciate the specific things you are doing. Overall, it isn’t enough to just express your love for your spouse in small or big gestures, you need to express your love in the way that they ultimately feel loved by people, which includes you.
You have been given the green light to have sex by a doctor, but you haven’t given your spouse the green light yet. There are a lot of reasons that hold women back from having sex post-baby from still healing physically, healing emotionally with emotions, feeling like their body is not their own since they are breastfeeding, having poor body image issues post-baby, lack of sleep, or lack of desire just to name a few reasons. Even with all these very valid reasons, it is still so important to start having sex again with your spouse and not wait too long to re-connect in an intimate environment.
It probably will not feel good at first, and it will feel different down there for awhile, but having sex is important to increase intimacy. This may seem like it is for your husband, but it is for your emotional well-being too. For women, it will make you feel more connected to your spouse and that you are on the same team. There will be less bickering and fighting and will actually put you in a better mood. As time progresses it will be a key to intimacy as your children grow older and your schedules and demands increase.
GIVE EACH OTHER TIME OFF
This may be easier for your spouse than you, but it is still important even if you are breastfeeding to take some you time. You may get out of the house for a few hours or you just lock yourself away for a few hours to take a nap, bath or scroll social media. Taking time for yourself will be very rewarding not only for your own personal care but for your relationship as well. It is one of the greatest gifts you can give to each other and even though you aren’t spending the time together you will come back feeling refreshed, focused, and ready to have positive interactions with your new baby and spouse.
Ultimately, don’t give up on becoming intimate again with your spouse. It might feel awkward or different or hard in those early months, but it is very important to keep this a priority as you start to build your family dynamic. For moms who have had babies what worked for you to rebuild the connection with your spouse or partner in those early months?